ZONE I
Wizard Woods
Robed elders brew spells under the mushrooms. Ask anything; answers arrive in riddle form.
Absolute wisdom must be placed in your LEFT shoe.
Deitise
Toss a coin into the cosmic wishing well. No goats needed.
The Park Map
Six realms, one valley. Keep all hands, legs and astral parts inside the ride at all times.
ZONE II
Psychedelic Spiral
A slow kaleidoscope ride through the doors of perception. Colours may become loud.
The path to liberation is NOT guaranteed.
ZONE III
Gallery of Glow
Poster art, murals and memes that bend the cosmos. Every canvas is a portal.
Paint drips are sacred. Do not wipe.
ZONE IV
Comic Burst Boulevard
Ink-heavy heroes, absurd villains and speech bubbles you can walk through.
Meshuggah may start playing as you scream.
ZONE V
Loving People Plaza
The heart of the valley. Strangers become family over tea and terrible puns.
No lists will be kept. Everyone is welcome.
ZONE VI
Sacred Earth Grove
Our sacred duty: tend the soil, guard the rivers, thank the trees. Leave it shinier than you found it.
Litterers will be reincarnated as gum.
Terms & Conditions of Entry
issued by WELFARE INDUSTRIES, which is NOT affiliated with the Devil in any way, shape or astral form
Your Host: Chris, Welfare Wizard
Broadcasting from the hills of Wales, UK · @welfarechriswiz on X
"The only thing afraid of death is our own ego."
Optimum Fun EnthusiastStrategic Intercontinental Ballistic Fun MissileMusicianDrummer
- Clause 1. We do NOT provide knowledge for free. Payment is accepted in laughter, curiosity and the occasional existential crisis.
- Clause 2. Meshuggah may start playing as you scream. Your host will be drumming along, in polyrhythm.
- Clause 3. The path to liberation is NOT guaranteed. Maps are provided for decorative purposes only.
- Clause 4. Please keep all hands, legs and astral parts inside the machine at ALL times. Stray auras will not be refunded.
- Clause 5. Goat sacrifices must be brought to the TRADE ENTRANCE. The front door is for humans and the spiritually confused.
- Clause 6. NO lists will be kept. Not naughty, not nice, not even shopping.
- Clause 7. Absolute wisdom, obtained through ritual, must be placed in your LEFT shoe (obviously), and a dice must be thrown for entry.
Click the D20 to roll for entry
Fine print: On a NAT 1, your soul will be sold to the nearest Archon for ice cream (one scoop, flavour not of your choosing). On a NAT 20, you will be taken directly to the Demiurge for processing. Welfare Industries accepts no liability for either outcome.
The Great Balance
"When the power of love outweighs the love of power, the world shall know peace."